Doubts and decision

When I keep bothering my friends with the same question, again and again,

"come on Fatimah, I know you have your answer, right? Just doa ditetapkan hati, okay?"

I hate them because it's too accurate =.= 

But it's true though, sometimes people (me) just want affirmation, 

that it is going to be okay

that I can do it 

I don't want to be shortsighted and run away just because something seems hard. 

If I were to run away from the things that scare me, 

then I would not grow. 

Bismillah

just take that leap of faith and do what you feel is right :) 

p/s: work anniversary is soon..like wow sis you have gone this far (wipes lone tear but yeay more reason to treat myself). 

Testing my patience

When people treat me badly

I have to keep on reminding myself

I shouldn’t be mad 

They are not like that as a response of who i am or what i do 

They are like that because of who they are 

Their actions can only speak volume about themselves

Not me. Certainly not my worth. And not my value 

Hence i remind myself

I only need to respond kindly and not dramatically 

Because only *my response* can define *me*

Not their hurtful actions or words 

I have to assess the subject objectively 

although the words may seem hurtful 

Some people just dont know how to say things nicely

But that does not mean that I can totally dismiss their comments

In this world, I can’t expect everyone to speak my language

This will test your patience, so please be patient, with a beautiful patience

Also when people treat me badly 

It takes courage and so much strength to see beyond their actions and words 

If you look carefully, you’ll find deep scars

Well-hidden behind the attitude that they portray

Those that have never been healed 

Or once healed but then they bleed again for whatever reason

And sometimes i wonder 

To what extent do people deserve second chances? 

But then i suppose, as many times as I would want people to give me. 

"In a year's time"

What a pleasant surprise. 

I was casually checking my mailbox when I read this email. 

I totally forgot that I have written a letter for my future self approximately a year ago. 

It is quite scary how time passes by so quickly

like, this can't possibly be a year ago? 

Only if I could turn back and tell my past self not to worry so much :) 

It could have saved my sanity from overthinking 

The future may seem so much scarier than it actually is. 

It is only normal to feel scared, to feel like you are under prepared

but you can't feel these without doing anything

the key question is what are you doing when you feel inadequate?

You can worry but you also have to work on preparing yourself

you have to balance between feeling scared and also feeling hopeful 

when your attempt to balance them doesn't work, 

remember that you are not alone and you can always seek help :) 

When I wrote this letter, I didn't know what to expect in my post-uni life

although technically i didn't really have any options

I constantly wonder whether this is the best for me 

But you know what? 

the key to most of your worries is just to confront them

take the first step; admit that you are inadequate, 

lower your ego and seek help to improve yourself

your teachers could be your books, the people around you

or even your life story that's meant to teach you lessons

you just have to realise that there is only so much to learn

"when student is ready, the teacher appears". 

A year can do a lot to a person

It is both exciting and scary to think about it

May He always land us at a blessed landing place insyaAllah

Apart from receiving this letter, I've also turned 24. And it's 1st Syawal today :) 

I've few things on my mind to reflect on these two events but first, lets get some sleep. 

Eid Mubarak! 

P/s: Preparing for raya is an extreme sport. May God bless our mothers for all of their effort and unconditional love :'(  i certainly can't imagine living without you. 

Something awakening

"I have some concerns on XX. I'm writing a referral letter for you to follow up, okay?"

Suddenly, I feel like my life flashes before my eyes (dramatic)
and everything else starts to matter less except the answer to this question:
have I actually done enough?

Tried to hold back my tears
but I can feel the warmth of it as it rolled down my cheeks
maybe it's full of words that I'll never speak
breath, cry, let it go

Strength isn't defined as someone who doesn't cry
or as someone who can defy their own feelings
but it's when you can finally admit your weakness and fear
when you're better, get back up again, smile like you always do
make yourself and other people happy, because it makes you forget your own sadness

At this moment, praying to Him never felt more real

Even in this emotional chaos, the heart is at peace knowing that He's there for me
and I know, no love can ever beat His eternal love

I'm grateful for this little experience
it certainly knocks me down
but maybe He knows what I needed when I'm a bit lost
to re-evaluate my life, my decisions and everything in between
to always live my life with a purpose even if sometimes it feels rather empty
I need to take charge and fill it with goodness, with reasons
so I won't regret when I look back at my actions and even inactions.

Because we are living on borrowed time
so what's your reflection?

p/s: funny how the thought of having a little sickness made me ponder upon all these things because with or without this sickness (or any other sickness), my time here is always limited. It's not like I wasn't aware of it, right. Just being forgetful (as always =/ )

Happiness is making other people smile,
Happiness is also knowing that people wouldn't mind going the extra mile to make you smile.
(pls note, it rhymes ok :D)

and for that, I should be really grateful. 

maturity

Kematangan itu
apabila kita mempunyai 1001 sebab untuk marah
tetapi kita masih mampu bersuara secara rasional

Kematangan itu
apabila kita mampu mengetepikan kepentingan diri
demi satu kebaikan yang lebih besar

Kematangan itu
apabila kita benar-benar mampu berlapang dada
ketika diuji untuk menerima sisi kelemahan manusia lain

By all means, 

please validate your feelings- after all, the feelings are created to be felt

but we have to be smart to draw the lines 

between acknowledging your feelings and acting upon it.